12

so there was this movie.. and i was watching it.. and while it is not important what i was watching or even why for that matter (which makes it less important, the what...) i began to think about being twelve. i don't remember much about being that age, which may be a prime indicator that it was a pretty great time. i mean don't get me wrong, i don't have a total black out concerning my youth, but i cant think to myself 'ah remember when i was such and such age and i did so and so..' it kinda all blends together into young and younger... it actually is a lot of work to try and figure out how old i was when i did what... any ways the point is i was watching this movie and then thought about how at the end of The Body (or Stand By Me if you'd rather) the line comes out about never having friends like you did when you were 12... now for whatever reason (i wasn't watching SBM by the way) i got on this thought and i really don't think i had that great of a time of it..again recalling things in a broad way (what i think of as 12 is most likely 11 - 14 for all attempts).... any ways i mean i had some friends but nothing like that... they came later.. maybe this is why i am such a twelve year old now... i am reliving that which i did not live before... or at least i was.

now what i did manage to draw out of this whole debacle was that yeah maybe the 12 (or 13) year old friend bond is special and magical, blah blah to some people, but i really think that what i miss most is the being in love. you know i wish sometimes that i could be in love like i was then. of course now, looking back one may say it wasn't love i mean christ there was nothing but the awful possibility of a slow dance or a note.... but maybe that's why its so attractive. at that age i was both innocent and indestructible at the same time. i guess maybe i long for that same feeling.. the whole burning love, for loves sake... there was no other agenda, at least not for me.. i didn't know enough then... and maybe that wasn't so bad ... you know, to be just a little stupid, a little naive... i guess i have to disagree with mr stewart... when he says he wishes he knew what he knows now when he was younger... in fact i may offer the following... i wish i still knew what i did then... and no more...

any ways, i ramble...

mmm...meaty...

well i guess there is a point here ..... not that appetizing though ...

in all honesty i think i must be the world's worst blogger... i think i fall short on the consistency scale... lots of stuff going on though... work work work work... got a new car which entails work work work work but its good i think...its gratitude month... gotta stay grateful i guess...