semi-annually?

like an art van furniture sale...

here is my new lame attempt to write something worth writing.. if nothing else to at least put forth some small small small effort to keep current-ish..

not to much to say though most everything in my life has changed...funny that eh?
on the eve of moving again (in a good way though), new job (in a fucking sweet sweet way), new friends, new dog, new new new...

yeah it all seems to be going ok doesn't it.. i am trying to stay right sized about all of this .... and so far it works... but you never know... i mean christ, i haven't been in, or threatened with jail once this year... something is wrong..... hahahaha ha (er... i wish it were funny)...

anyways

one of these days

so I am not quite done... how erratic eh? I can go for like 6 months with nothing to say and then now...

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.... I have this sneaking suspicion (fear?) that I may not want to be anything. I try really hard to not be defined by my occupation, but that is easier said than done (for me anyways). I had this friend that would try to get me to admit that I was more than what I did for a living, but it just never stuck. I can see it with other people, but fuck, I get some crappy job and the next thing I know I am trapped. I know that I spent a ton of time looking at jobs tonight, but I fear that I may have pigeon-holed myself here into some craptastic career, which word I really hesitate to use, as it does signify some long term goals. The thing is, I look at some of the opportunities out there, and I have serious doubts about whether or not I could handle them. I mean at one point I knew a bunch of stuff, but I really haven't had to pull that stuff out in a while, not too mention some of the damage I may have done to myself over my last couple years out there (and I was out there). All I know is that I don't want to be broke all the time. I would like to have something to show for all the work I do... and maybe, just maybe (don't tell anyone) be happy.

Which is really the point here. At what point in our history did it become not just important, but even an option to be happy in our work. I don't think that they thought about how happy they were out on their little house on the prairie (if you know what I mean). When did good enough stop being good enough? You know? Its this weird curse of privilege I think. I think honestly if I was raised knowing that I would die if I didn't farm this land I probably would be a farmer. That's not how I grew up though.. I grew up thinking I could be whatever I wanted to be... they just never told me that I had to choose. Nothing brings this shit up, like looking for work though, god, I am such a spoiled brat sometimes....

better late than never...

or something is better than nothing? i don't know, it has just been a really really long time. Apparetnly I have follow through issues or someting. I ran out of internet (and moved) and then just kinda never got it back... any ways.. it's been a bit. Lots and lots has happened lately but it seems like nothing has happened you know? Maybe that is the real excuse here. I never really have anything to say. I mean christ things happen... (and how) but i just can't seem to translate them... ie. I came back from London a couple of weeks ago and people say, "How was London?" and I say "OK." That's it period (did you notice the period?) so whatever. Maybe I am just taking things easy... or maybe I am avoiding. I did spend a large chunk of time looking at jobs tonight, and a smaller chunk of time looking at grad schools, and a medium chunk of time googling people I know or have known.... oh well progress.. . . i will do better...

check out the flickr for some london photos. It was OK... (actually it was freaking awesome, but you know...)